As I begin to move around the house and be a contributing member of society again, I decided to go through all of my old medications. Aside from the painkiller I was prescribed after surgery (which I have not yet taken), I decided to throw everything else away. EVERYTHING. Old allergy medications, pain muscle relaxers, expired cold medicine. What a therapeutic experience! Also in case you are curious there ARE safe and legal ways to dispose of medications which you should certainly do.

Now that I have made it on the other side of this injury I am so eager to begin taking better care of myself. The amount of damage I must have done to my stomach recently… gross!

I am starting to feel impatience creeping up. Now that I can walk with confidence I want to go further and further. Then stairs. Next, a hill. Mom keeps cautioning me, and I find myself conflicted between “am I pushing too hard?” and “you need to put in the work to regain the strength.” Everyone’s body is different and I have no point of reference for this. When am I honoring my body and when am I being lazy?

The memories of being hurt and so emotionally distraught now don’t feel like my memories anymore. They feel like a dream, or a story I heard from someone. It feels like denial… as if my brain is trying to forget all the trauma and heartache I went through and the days that I thought I would never walk again.

When I was nearing a point of real defeat I caved and bought a cane online. I was so angry that I couldn’t get around and figured at least this would help me in being more mobile. I never opened the box because my ego got in the way. It sat for about two weeks in my house before I had the surgery. Today I returned it without ever opening it and felt another rush of excitement at this small victory. Every day has small wins that start to build back up my confidence as a person, a friend, and a human being.

Returned the cane!