I have considered lately if my tolerance for pain has gone up. As I am not taking any of the hydrocodone I was prescribed, there are certainly times that I am feeling super sore. I try to remember what it felt like when the pain was its worst. I can remember when that was: the evening after my injection. I was home alone by myself. I had read on the paperwork from the visit that pain would worsen before it got better. I was in such great pain trying to walk the dog and needed to find relief. The only position that was comfortable was to get down onto the floor onto all fours to allow the bend in my knee to reduce the pressure of the bulge against my nerve. I was on all fours, on the sidewalk outside of my house, with my dog on the leash wrapped around my hand and wrist. I was crying, and begging her to go to the bathroom so we could go back inside. I asked her for help, and for patience. I was sobbing this to a seven pound dog in the dark on the sidewalk.
Well into the evening I was in agony, and when I was laying in bed I was in such pain I was screaming. There was no one around to hear me or help me. There was no sympathy I could gain by expressing my pain, but the pain was so bad that I could not HELP but to cry and wail and rock back and forth. I climbed out of bed twice that night to lay on the floor for relief, and curled up into the fetal position. Even while writing this blog, I am getting emotional. How did I let it get that bad? How did I not ask, and push and beg to be taken more seriously and get more critical care? I suppose by that point I had given up because I had no more strength. I hardly slept and when I didn’t sleep I was uncomfortable. When I was uncomfortable I was angry and sad and irritable.
Today I held the dog’s leah while we walked a little bit. The last week my mother has walked her and I’ve been walking with them (or behind them) just focusing on getting stable. It was incredible to have that cute little bun with me this whole time – she has been my therapist, cuddle buddy, and companion!
This week I started reaching out to connect with other members of the discectomy club on instagram. There is so much power in community, and it makes me feel so relieved to relate to other people with similar experiences. Additionally, a friend of mine had a childhood friend experience the same excruciating pain recently and referred her to my blog – I hope this helps! I hope this encourages others to take charge of their health and fight to get the right care and relief.